When should I get my infant foster daughter's ears pierced? It
was the furthest thing on my mind until case workers, friends, and
strangers who identify as black began asking me about it daily. That is,
they were asking me about my black foster daughter's ears, but made no
mention toward my similarly-aged, white-looking (she's 1/2 Jewish and
1/2 Hispanic) foster daughter.
In talking with friends, I
expressed that I do want to get my 7-month-old black foster daughter's
ears pierced now (with her mom's consent), but not my lighter-skinned
3-month-old daughter. Why is that? I started to ask around amongst my
white friends who echoed my involuntary, visceral response to the topic.
Earrings on a black baby are adorable, but on a white baby they look
was described as "cheap" or "trashy."
These descriptions are always whispered in shame. Where do these
stereotypes arise? How do these biases come about? And do we need to
talk about it in order to undo them?
I've spent several hours searching academic literature and even the
internet for a break-down of the average age of ear piercing within
different cultures, but I've come up empty. My unofficial poll of the
age in which parents should get their child's ears pierced goes
something like this:
African-American/Black = 4-6 months
Hispanic = soon after birth
Low-income whites = toddler age
High-income whites = between age 7-10
From a health and safety perspective, no major pediatric medical
association takes a stand regarding appropriate age for ear piercing nor
do they indicate that it's harmful. Parents are left to make the ear
piercing decision based on culture and tradition, which includes factors
like ethnic background and socio-economic status.
I'd love to hear what age you got your ears pierced and how you think
(or don't think) skin color and income plays an unconscious part. Most
importantly, I'd like for any discussion I've opened-up to be respectful
of all people's differences.
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